Sometimes, I make a mess. Maybe while preparing a meal, while eating, or simply in the process of doing something in my own space, I make a mess. Now, when I do, I’ve caught myself in the middle of an actual scolding.
“Oh look, as old as you are, you spilled stew on your shirt. Ah look how clumsy you are, you can’t even carry a few extra stuff without something falling off. Why can’t you be organized?”
While this is going on, I find that I have to consciously stop and change the things I’m saying to myself.
If a different person had done any of these, I wouldn’t have scolded at all. I’d most certainly have checked if they felt okay, then assured them it wasn’t a big deal, and proceeded to fix things.
First off, I’m at home, in the comfort of a space I’ve curated to be my safety net. Why does a little spill or a mess in the kitchen have to be a problem? Especially when it’s going to get cleaned and fixed in a bit.
Why do I have to be 'that' self conscious inside of my own space? I mean, the real question hidden within that scolding is most likely "why can’t you be perfect? In everything..."
I think perfection is somewhat a myth. You could work so hard on something, scrapping and redoing it all, till you reach a point where it seems perfect to you. When someone else presents a similar creation with even better features, does that mean yours was shit? It simply shows how differently people think.
In that book that has surpassed time itself, we’re told that God looked at everything he made, and it was good...perfect. And here we are, a variety of shapes, colors and sizes, sometimes flawed in our ideals, choices and so on.
It’s the tiny little quirks that make us different and spice up life and living. I’m probably rambling at this point, but where I think I’m going is, if in your own element, you make life a little too hard for yourself, you need to take a step back.
It’s okay to want to improve and develop yourself, but do these with the knowledge that nothing is finite, and you don’t have to be perfect or flawless to live, let alone live your best life.
Rain is beautiful but stay out in it too long and you’re wet, with soggy clothes and the possibility of catching a cold. The sun is gorgeous and amazing with how much light it shines on the world, but stare at it too long and you’d hurt your eyes, stand in it too often and you’d get sunburned, maybe even get a headache or worse, trigger a fever. Being too critical of yourself will eventually leave you blind to your strengths and positive sides.
There are ups and downs to everything in life, it’s why middles exist, for the sake of balance.
Even God made night and day. So dear you, talk a little kinder to yourself today, tomorrow, always.
The world will judge you, you don’t need to judge yourself with the same energy.
Pause sometimes to look from the outside in, or go deeper within. You don’t have to be perfect, you can be true and real though. Learn yourself, improve what’s necessary, don’t let yours be part of the voices trying to shrink you, and don’t change the good and simple parts of you that differentiate you from the rest of the world.
There’s room for that version of you here, and there’ll always be room for any version of you in later days.
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January was a good month for me, in that, it went without stressing my mind and body. I also am back to my first love — reading and buying books — I completed 5 books and got halfway with the sixth (only because I started it 3 days ago).
I made a list for the year, and so far, so good, I’ve bought some new books, I have some unread ones on my shelf, and my TBR list of soft copies keeps increasing.
Eyes are on the road, for a better February.
